Shai Bear,
Happy birthday sweet boy. Wow, has it already been a year. Not that we have forgotten you. You have been impressed on our hearts forever. Every day there is a thought reserved just for you. The pain has gotten easier. In fact most days my heart does not hurt. I think back with joy in remembering your birth and what a beautiful day it was. Holding you in my arms is still seared into my heart and mind. You were and are such a gift. There are days that my heart aches for the place you should have been in our family. It sneaks up on me. I know that is normal and just a reminder that this world is not my permanent home. I look at some of our friends precious children that are about a year old and I think about what milestones you would have accomplished by now, I am sure many! I wonder if you would have had your daddy's blonde ringlets and big smile. Then I remember where you are right now and that brings much peace and comfort. You are with the one who made you. You will never know pain, sorrow, grieving or sin. It can be such a hard place here in this world that is crying out for redemption. It brings comfort knowing you will never experience that but that you are praising our Father in Heaven and playing on the streets of gold. You have many friends with you, I can think of a couple right off my head and I am sure they are wonderful company. I want your birthday to be something to be rejoiced. I want to remember the joy of having you and the faithfulness of God. We are going to make cupcakes, release a butterfly and then do something another family has done. We will deliver a birthday gift to a boy born on your birthday. What a great opportunity to love someone else and get a chance to share about you my precious love. My child, He has been so faithful. He has brought peace among the roughest storm I have ever lived through. He has used your precious life to comfort others, encourage others and draw others to Himself. He has changed me because of your life. I am a better person because of your existence. You are a gift that is indescribable. You are a blessing that I thank God for every day. What a humbling honor it has been that God entrusted me with loving you. I am so proud to be your mommy and I tell of you often. Your legacy has reached all the way to Africa in creating water wells for the people. Your legacy has brought about the financial help to bring home your brother or sister from Ethiopia. Your legacy has made me realize just how much God loves me. I miss you but I will continue to hold to the steadfast hope I have in seeing you again. Oh how my soul longs for that day. As I have said before, God is not done with me here or He would have taken me home already. So, my sweet boy, as much as I long to be with you and see your face I will run this race called life. I will point to Jesus and love others. When it is time, we will meet again. Until that day, I will think of you always and hold you so dear to my heart. You have a piece of heart in Heaven and you always will. You are not forgotten. I love you with all my heart. Dance baby dance! I will dance with you with the time comes. Happy birthday!
Love,
Mommy
