Six months

Time moves so fast sometimes. I remember someone telling me once that after you left high school that time would speed up to warp speed. They were right. It has been six months since our sweet Shai left our arms and went into the arms of Jesus. God has given such abundant peace. Peace that can not be explained by my strength or knowledge but only by the supernatural power of the One who holds my heart and soul. He has been faithful to meet me at every point. The first few months were a whirlwind of adjustment. Trying to figure out how to manage this thing called life after Shai died and Pete left for Iraq. God met me there as well. He moved and orchestrated the events that allowed Leigh, my dear friend, to move in with us. She has been used by Him in this season so often that there are no words to express my gratitude.

This last month has been a bit difficult. There have been several close friends that have experienced the same loss that we have just walked through. As my heart aches with them my heart has been opened afresh to the emotion of loosing Shai. Little things that did not affect me before have now caused a tear to stream down my face. Looking at Amelia's eyes and wondering if Shai would have had her piercing blue eyes. Would he have been as stubborn and passionate as Amelia and I or would he be developing his daddy's calmer and more quiet temperament. There are days when the cold reality of not having him in my arms slaps me in the face and takes my breath away. I miss my boy. God has met me in my hurt. He has covered me with His love. He reminds my hurting soul again of who He is and how much He loves me. He reminds me that Shai is not forgotten. He reminds me of how precious His life was and continues to be. He reminds me of the beauty that He has already created. He reminds me of hope. He reminds me through powerful words of others of how He gave His Son on a cross to die for my sins and bring hope. He is not a God who does not understand the pain that I feel at times. He knows. He cares. He is powerful. He is healing our hearts day by day. There are more days than not now when the tears do not stream my pillow at night. There is laughter. There truly are new mercies every morning.

I miss Shai. I rest in knowing who God is and the promises He has given me in His word. I am grateful for the hope that I have knowing that I will see my precious son's face again. I will dance with him again. I will sing with him again. I will hold him again. Praise you Lord for your grace and unfailing love.

"Yet those who wait for the LORD
  Will gain new strength;
  They will mount up with wings like eagles,
  They will run and not get tired,
  They will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:31