Just wanted to let everyone know how the doctors visit went with Shai. Sorry it has taken so long to post. Pete and I went on a nice trip to Spokane Washington. I am still in love with that state.
Shai is doing as well as expected. His heart beat was 150bpm and he is moving around consistently. I am a little small, which is expected. I am not retaining amniotic fluid, praise GOD! Doctor Louis scheduled us another appointment in a month from now on February 22. We are blessed to have more time with this sweet boy.
We are about to start the process of picking a funeral home and setting up the arrangements for the funeral. I have to admit, I do not want to walk this part. How do we pick out a casket for our child. It is so unnatural. Their are so many questions they will want answered and all I want to do is run and hide in the deepest parts of somewhere far away. Again, God will give us the strength to walk this part. He has with every part and decision thus far. We trust Him. He will carry us through this valley of darkness. He will walk us beside still waters and calm our fearful and aching hearts.
The lead singer of Selah and his wife had a daughter they decided to carry to term even thought the prognosis was death. They walked the road, trusted God and gave their little girl back into His hands shortly after her birth. He wrote a beautiful song to document their decision. It is called "I will carry you". I have attached the link for anyone that might want to listen. I have also copied the lyrics below. It truly captures how Pete and I feel. His wife, Angie Smith, has also written a book called "I will carry you" which has been a comforting read in this time. If you ever have the time, I encourage you to read their story. It is beautiful to see how God took something devastating and turned into something wonderful.
Thank you again for all of the prayers, love and support. We can not thank everyone enough. Please know your prayers for peace are working.
"I Will Carry You"
There were photographs i wanted to take
Things i wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?people say that i am brave but i`m not
Truth is i`m barely hanging on
But there`s a greater story
Written long before me
Because he loves you like this
So i will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But i know
That the silence
Has brought me to his voice
And he says
I`ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you
The song can be found at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLuaGiu73jc
I listened to this song yesterday morning. The sun had not yet risen, and I'm hearing these heart-wrenching truths in syllables and melody. I'm so glad to know you are able to communicate and have others communicate with you, on roads you both are traveling. My biggest praise is that you and Pete are FEELING and experiencing the comfort of your cores through people surrounding you. The peace that is monumentally passing all understanding - is showering down over your family, creating Spring-growth and comfort in astounding ways. I am just a witness and I revel in the glorious beauty of the faith you and Pete are living. Yes, I know there are terrible, horrifying days - just as there are peace-in-the-valley days. You are embracing both with equal awareness and trust...I cannot exclaim enough, my adoration for it all. You are beautiful. Pete is beautiful. Amelia is beautiful. Shai is a gorgeous gift...the star on top of a glorious, firmly planted tree.
ReplyDeleteThere is love - overflowing - from me to you. I can say with intense confidence, that no matter WHAT...no matter what - I am here for you always. I will love you each as my true family always. I will not stop earnestly praying for you, and joyfully praising for you. I am the blessed one for knowing you all.